Obsess Less

For the first time in a month or so, both children are fast asleep, in the middle of the day, at the same time! I have to pause for a moment, thinking of all the possibilities of tasks and projects I could be doing right now.. then I get to work cleaning like a girl you knows she is going to feel better when they awake. I sweep first and in that pile of dirt there are tiny white star sprinkles. I laugh to myself realizing I have not really swept since St. Patricks Day, a week ago.

 It makes me remember how K cried because she was so upset, thinking of all the trouble she was going to be in when I walk back into the kitchen. I had made green waffles and let her have green and white sprinkles on them. We had fun mixing the food coloring into the batter and watching the swirls turn into a fresh minty color. I had left the room, she had poured more sprinkles on her plate to eat plain, not realizing how fast they come out. I had to calm her down when I came back in, reminding her accidents happen and apologizing for her fear of being scolded. I knew that was coming from all the times I had already been in a frustrated mood about something else and blown off the handle at something that in a normal circumstance, I never would have gotten so steamed about.

I know that is something I need to better at. Teach more, discipline less. As I am dusting the living room, I find a plastic shamrock behind the computer back up battery on the floor. I belongs on a green necklace from our St. Patricks Day decorations. I now remember, about 4 days later, K trying to tell me it broke and me telling her that I would help her later because I was busy.. probably tidying something when I should have sat down and looked her in the eye and helped her fix her problem. Then remembering the same dilemma came up the next day, at a time I was also not paying attention.

In these quiet moments, I get to stop and think about my 'lil pretty puff princess and my goofy 'i have an idea' girl. Those two treasures are why I am even at home with the opportunity to clean, create, decor-i-tize, dream, nap and sit still. Why I don't have a manager pressuring me on a deadline or co workers who don't see eye to eye with each other. Why I don't have to wake at 6 am to do hair and make up day in and day out, surrounded by those who don't love and truly appreciate.

So I know I will find more 'joy in my journey' if I see more and obsess less. I keep hearing how fast time flys. I keep hearing they will not be small for long. I keep hearing that these are the best days and I will miss it when things like, K running towards me in church after primary, trips on her 'too big for her' sandals and gets a big rug burn. Then talks about it for days. All that will be gone and I will only have entries, pictures and memories to look back on. They won't be RIGHT THERE forever. I want to be there for this, soak it all in and looking back, know that I did appreciate and love the moments I was in.

That is my goal. It is a big one, but one I feel is one of the most important.

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