Dealings with those things called emotions..

Today, I still love my worry, but it's been a difficult one. I have diagnosed K with the terrible fours. She never really had the terrible twos, or really the threes, but there is something different about now. Although if I think more about it, it may be this thing called dealing with emotions and how to cope with outside elements that cause her to react negatively when I ask her to do things she does not want to do or not allow her to do things she has requested to do.

Won't this be interesting for her to look back on and read someday. If she will have glimpses of these hard days we continue to have. And how the thoughts I share throughout this blog will help her in her perspective when she has children someday. As I was showering, trying to cool down from all the frustration, a thought popped into my head... She was not trying to attack you as a mother, disrespect you intentionally.. All she knew in that moment of "childhood rage" is that she does not feel well, she loves her mother, and she does not want to take a bath. There are different levels of attention, acceptance, and care that can be measured with people in or around our world. Those that simply need or want something we have, those that used to be close to us and now because of one reason or another, are not, those we deal with everyday without our immediate choice, those that we love and look forward or speaking to; the list goes on. Those little ones in my very own home love and forgive me more than I deserve and that is a timeless truth. So I will now finish this post, pick up lil S. That just woke up and go snuggle and apologize to my two girly treasures. Yes. That is what I will do!
Wow, now don't we all feel better?

To Offer One Another

We all have something new and unique to offer this world. It happens in our own way and in our own time. Each of us are in a different stage, age, spot of progression. We all have ambitions, goals, desires that differ from one another. Respect plays a big role in how we react to those that come in contact with "our own lil world." We can choose to adore, give thanks and appreciation. We can also choose to compare and rank ourselves in the place above or below someone else. I hope and pray that we can celebrate and appreciate each others differences.

Starting this blog, I have felt myself get a little overwhelmed with all I find online. It is the "natural man" to feel down or jealous or critical or judgmental. So with that in mind, we can point out our faults, choose to change and embrace the fact that we are grateful there are those out there willing to share their ideas and achievements with friends, family and complete strangers. I am loving what I find and I hope you will find something here that you like as well!

I was able to write to a few of my favored blog ladies and ask for their help and advice with setting up my own blog. Several were able to respond to the message I sent and offer advice for me. I appreciate them dearly for taking time out of their busy schedules to assist someone starting out in her desire to add her own ideas to the long list of women's achievements. (I say women because the blogs I am drawn to are ladies who like to craft, create, share and inspire!)

Heaven's Film

Here is one of many articles that I have written.
So it's five in the morning, I have been up for two hours, and am now holding a precious little baby in my arms as she sleeps. If she wakes up, she breathes faster and faster which causes her to realize her nose is all conjested. So I am holding her, in hopes that if she wakes herself up then I can softly rock her back to sleep. I have been thinking about how great it would be to relief my bladder, get my ice cold water from the fridge, my oat and honey granola bar and maybe a chick flick playing in the back ground of all my thoughts as I sit here. Not sleeping.

When I get to heaven, one of the first "films" I am going to request to watch is moments similar to the one I'm having now in my own mothers life when she was home with her young family. Through vague memories of my lil childhood home, mixed with multiple pictures I've come to cherish of my younger years, I can almost picture a scene such as this:

With sneezes and sniffles, requests for snuggles, books read and noodle soup served, the day has finally ended. Three children all sleeping. She gets a moment to change her clothes, brush her teeth, and then.. The crying one is heard. Mustering up that mommy mode strength, she goes to retrieve her teary eyed child before the others awake from the sound. Now that baby girl knows two things; she doesn't feel quite right and momma makes it all better. So she settles right down for a snooze in those warm 'fit for just me' arms. Mommy is exhausted, warn out, and imagines that tomorrow won't be much different. But because of the deep love she has for her precious angels, she looks around for a seat.

Toys, tissues, wrappers and cups, she finds a spot on the couch, moving minimal items, as to make the least amount of noise. Getting as comfortable as possible, she soon realizes there won't be much sleeping on her part.

Now she settled down on that couch and not in her warm comfortable bed. She she did because she knew her hard working husband needed his sleep if he was going to get up early to work all day to provide for the cough medicine, diapers and fruit loops

With her toes she can just barely reach her novel that had been knocked off the table onto the floor. She remembers she got it out that morning when she thought her three girls had been sleeping in because their bodies needed the well needed rest to heal. She had opened it, only to hear giggles coming from the back room.

Now was her chance to finish that one sentence she had left off on. I wonder if she got lost within those pages, with a moment "to herself." I wonder if she imagined herself in another place or time. I can only imagine how she may have had thoughts "what if" or "maybe when." .

But then I remember my mother. I remember the thoughts she has shared with me about how much she loves being a mom, now and back then. When I have asked her advice on all the "hard stuff" she simply does not recall enough information to relay back to me tips on detailed circumstances.

See? It really won't be like this for long! Besides thoughts and feelings I record, God helps you forget the every day hard and remember the significant good! He does this for a reason. So that we continue on with life and know it will all turn out ok. If my mother decided those sleepless sick filled nights were just too difficult to go through again, I wouldn't have my two younger amazing, helpful, wonderful siblings! Oh what a heart renching thought. Sure if that was the case, I wouldn't have known what I was missing out on, but I do and the thought is sad.

She didn't know then she would have a boy next, and then another girl. She didn't know that they would reside in that trailer court housing six more years before they bought a house a few miles from that spot.

She didn't know how many tears she would shed for her children. How many nights she would stay up and worry. How many owees she'd kiss, arguments she would lose, tantrums she'd tame, laughs she'd create.   How she come to accept in laws into the family in her own way and time. How much she would completely love being a grandma. How when her children had their first kids, how much they would call to just say thank you or how heart felt the Mother's Day cards are that they now write to you.

It was always worth it. But oh how she didn't know how the most sincere thank you's would come 25 years later when a child of her own walked a mile in her shoes.

I believe she was excited for whatever lay ahead of her.

6:21am. On this couch I hear my first spring morning bird sing. It's still going to be a wonderful day.